One day I read my devotional book and it’s written,
“Whenever you feel so tired, take time to relax and do reflection”
And here I am.
January is my special month. Not only because it’s my birthday but also my first rotation on the internship program was ended and I had to face my second rotation.
My first rotation on primary health care was amazing. I got both a new family and many experiences there. I learned about how to take care patients, how to consult with senior doctors (what should be reported), how to refer the patients to a hospital, and I had a sight about living on the working place.
I realized as a paramedic is full of making a decision for others, especially patient. If someone got a high body temperature, we have to decide if blood checking is reasonable or just give the medicine. It’s the simplest case.
One day I had a patient, she arrived in my room and said that she had allergic to something that her eyes and foot were swollen. It’s my second day on primary health care so I was still on my adaptation mode. When I checked the patient, I felt something wrong with her, but I confused about what should I did. Then one nurse came into my room and he said that I could do some laboratory examination. I checked her blood and her urine. When the result came.. her hemoglobin just 3.9 (normal value is about 12 – 13). Well, as soon as possible I referred her into the hospital to get a blood transfusion.
Referring patient to the hospital was so tricky. The patient should ‘not too bad to be referred’ and ‘not too good to be referred’. I will give two cases. First was my friend’s patient. She came with unconsciousness. Her face was pale and her blood pressure was too low; she had no reperfusion for her body and it caused death soon. There’s nothing much we could do at primary health care because both laboratory examination and paramedic are limited. We just did some first emergency management and some laboratory examinations. Later, we knew that she had an ectopic pregnancy. We tried to call the hospital but her condition was too bad and it caused hardness to get referred. She stayed for about 3 hours and then finally we could get referred her, but three days later she’s passed away..
The Second case was about a patient with high temperature, low platelet, and hypotension. We tried to call a hospital to refer this patient but none accepted it because her platelet was not that low to get referred. Then, we took care of her at our primary health care but with a heart beat fast; we got scared if her tension dropped and had a reperfusion problem.
Well, that’s just some little cases on primary health care. We had to choose the best decision for patients. And because of that, I always pray to God. I just want to get wisdom to decide. I don’t want to hurt my patients. I just want the best for them. And so I asked Him, give me a case that I can solve. Don’t give me something that I can’t solve.. I believe that He knows my capability so He never gives me more than my strength..
And the tension gets higher after I finished my first rotation at primary health care. I had to face my second rotation at the emergency department’s hospital. With more complex case.. I really think that I will have a hard time. I don’t know what should I do.. I cried every day.. I was too scared to face future..
First day on my emergency department was unbelievable. This was emergency department of a big hospital but at my first time worked there.. the patient just like at the primary health care, such as dyspepsia or flu. The senior doctor also got confused about the patients at that day. And I felt like..
God is amazing.
He really knows that this is my first experience and He doesn’t give me something that I can’t face. Even though, after a few days, I still cry at my bedroom. I tried to adapt on this new place.. with new people. But at the first time, it’s hard (it’s still hard until I wrote this tough..). Sometimes I plan to go to psychologist or psychiatrist to check up my mental health.. because.. I felt I have a mental break down……
Move to my 17th January, my birthday. I am turning 26 years old. And I start the day with another amazing moment.
On 16th January, I had an idea. I wanted to stay overnight at a hotel. Working at emergency department was so frustrating and I need to refresh myself. Suddenly, I had this idea. Kind of crazy.. hahaha.. I told my mother and asked her to prepare clothes. I paid for the hotel tough.. hahaha..
Stayed overnight at the hotel was so refreshing. I could sleep on the big bed with warm blanket. I brought a delicious cake and in the morning I asked my mother to prepare the cake with candle for me. Hahaha.. I was so happy. I spent a day with my mother and my friends (intermezzo, I remember one of the 'The Try Guy’s video.. they talked about refreshing themselves from Youtube by taking a holiday. And so am I ! I was taking my super short holiday. Money well spent <3)
Yeah, all of this was hard. But I believe that He doesn’t give something over my strength (yes.. I have to repeat it.. because… it is) and I have to remember one thing..
I am loved.
I am really grateful to have many people that love me. They support me. Whenever I cry, they give shoulder to me (even virtual). They listen to my story, my sadness, my fear.. and they always say,
You can do it.
This will pass.
You are not alone.
I know that maybe they have their own problem. But they keep supporting me. And that’s what I need.
So.. the conclusion is.. This is my reflection :
He will not give something more than my strength.. and He sent me many people to love me.. :)