Little Talks

“G : I don’t like walking around this old an empty house..

B : So hold my hand I’ll walk with you my dear

G : The stairs creak as a you sleep, it’s keeping me awake..

B : It’s the house telling you to close your eyes

G : And some days I can’t even dress myself..

B : It’s killing me to see you this way

B+G : Cause though the truth may vary this, ship will carry our bodies save to shore

….”

Little Talks – Of Monster and Men

“When you, when you forget your name

When old faces all look the same

Meet me in the morning when you wake up

Meet me in the morning then you’ll wake up

….”

Bend and Break – Keane

These two are my favorite songs I played recently. If you hear all the songs you will know how beautiful they are. After hearing it for thousand times, I make an opinion that this song is about love unconditionally, even your partner has an alzheimer. How could I say that ? Let’s make a little bit verification PLUS my opinion and the short studies.

 First song : Little Talks-Of Monster and Men) :

‘And some days I can’t even dress myself’ I thought it’s a kind of reduction of global function to do daily activity. This lyric wants to tell that the person has a trouble with her/himself, even they couldn’t do dress, which is dressing is one of the daily activities. Condition that make this reduction, for example is they have a disease then they need others help.

The theory :

Alzheimer’s (AHLZ-high-merz) is a disease of the brain that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. The first problem many people notice is forgetfulness severe enough to affect their ability to function at home or at work, or to enjoy hobbies (alz.org). As they pass through different stages of the

disease, individuals’ cognitive and functional abilities decline. In the final, advanced stage of the disease, people need help with basic activities of daily living, such as bathing, dressing, eating and using the bathroom (alz.org).

‘We used to play outside when we were young’ Alzheimer is a disease that occurs in old-age. There’s a word ‘when we were young’ it indicates that they are old now :p

The theory :

Alzheimer's is not a normal part of aging, although the greatest known risk factor is increasing age, and the majority of people with Alzheimer's are 65 and older (alz.org). Alzheimer is a progressive disease then it can worsen over a number of years.

‘The screams all sound the same’ the Alzheimer patients can say the same things all the time. They couldn’t remember what they say, then they will say it again and again.

‘Some days I feel like I’m wrong when I’m right’ This lyrics wants to say that the person is confused with everything near them. They don’t know which is right or wrong.

The theory :

The disease may cause a person to become confused, get lost in familiar places, misplace things or have trouble with language (alz.org)

Second song : Bend and Break (Keane)

‘When you, when you forget your name’ People with Alzheimer have memory loss even they don’t know who are they.

The theory :

The following are common symptoms of Alzheimer’s:

• Memory loss that disrupts daily life.

• Challenges in planning or solving problems.

• Difficulty completing familiar tasks at home, at work or at leisure.

• Confusion with time or place.

• Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships.

• New problems with words in speaking or writing.

• Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps.

• Decreased or poor judgment.

• Withdrawal from work or social activities.

• Changes in mood and personality, including apathy and depression. (alz.org)

‘When old faces all look the same’ This lyric wants to tell that they are old. Alzheimer usually occurs in old-age. I’ve said that in previous theory :p

If you talk about Alzheimer, it can’t be separated with dementia. What is dementia ? What is the difference between these two ?

Here we go :

Physicians often define dementia based on the criteria given in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Dementia is a general term for the loss of memory and other cognitive abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life (alz.org). There are several types of dementia, one of them is Alzheimer. Alzheimer is the most common type of dementia; accounts for an estimated 60 percent to 80 percent of cases (alz.org)

Thank you for reading a very short story about my favorite songs. What songs do you like guys ? :D

Further information, click link below :

https://www.alz.org/downloads/Facts_Figures_2014.pdf

https://www.alz.org/national/documents/brochure_basicsofalz_low.pdf

http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp

Yawn

It was a super boring time in policlinic while we were waiting for the doctors. They were busy then the patients have to wait for them. We were not going to check up, but as a clerkship or clinic student, we followed the specialist doctor until the end of the world *ok, this is too much*

It’s 11 am and we had waited for about 2 hours. We were waiting in the corner room, some playing our mobile phone and others reading a book. Guess, what did I do ? I was playing google quick draw on my mobile phone. It’s totally fun guys :3 hahaha..

While we were busy with our useless activity *it’s just me, LOL* one of my friend’s yawning. In a blink of an eye, one by one of us started yawning too; like a domino effect. Have you experienced this moment ? I think many people can relate to this condition. But how come ? Hmmm.. my friend said that if you started to yawn after your friends, it means you are an empathic person. Is that true ?  

Here we go my short research :

Yawning can be observed in most vertebrate species from fetal stages to old age. In mammals, it consists of an involuntary sequence of mouth opening, deep inspiration, brief apnea, and slow expiration (Walunski and Deputte, 2004).

In mammals, it has been observed that more than 90% of yawns occur at rest whereas the remaining yawns seem to be triggered by social or emotional stimuli. These contextual differences have motivated a classification of yawning into “physiological” and “social” yawns, although the phenomenology of yawns does not depend on the context (Deputte, 1994; Walusinski and Deputte, 2004).

*wow, it also can be triggered by social or emotional; not only when we felt sleepy. Wait, is yawning occurs only because we felt sleepy ?

Based on Bruke, 2013 from University of Sidney, Australia, there is no agreement as to the immediate stimulus triggering a yawn. This is partly because a yawn is commonly associated with a variety of conditions such as tiredness, boredom, sleepiness, loss of attention, fatigue, hunger, malaise and, most surprisingly, observing other people yawning (contagious yawning). They are contagious through non-verbal communication (Darwin, 2004).

*yay ! we found that yawning is contagious and boredom can trigger a yawn. Couldn’t agree more because we were super bored at that time. OK, next :D

Studies said that replication of yawn is triggered involuntarily. Neither does the yawner want to make others yawn, neither is the spectator-receiver of the replication aware of a need to yawn (Moore 1942, Baenninger 1987). How is this replication triggered ? It can be triggered by sight, hearing, or smell (Darwin, 2004). Sight is the most powerful stimulant. R. Provine shows that 55% of spectators viewing a video showing 30 successive yawns will yawn within five minutes. The latency period varies from a few seconds to five. The existence of a susceptibility to contagion among blind subjects confirms that sight is not the only trigger. Viewing part of the face only, such as a wide open mouth, does not trigger replication. Therefore a multimodal perception of the whole facial configuration and of audible respiratory moments is needed, along with coordinated dynamics for replication to happen (Provine 1986, 1989).

As far as I know, a yawn is triggered involuntary and the powerful stimulant is by sight. If you saw other’s yawning, then the brain will get the stimuli and you start yawning. In another study, it says, following such perception, the motor trigger of the yawning reflex is also involuntary and stems from the setting into the action of sub-cortical motor loops (gray nucleus – brain stem) (Darwin, 2004).

*it’s a nice info, isn’t ? Hmm. Back to the first question. Is it related to empathy ?

The answer is yes.

As the explanation before, that yawn can be stimulated then resulting reaction with cognitive participation of an emotional nature. It includes a complex of a human behavior, empathy. So it’s a normal reaction, it’s a human behavior if you started to yawn after the other in your surroundings, although it happened involuntary.

Then here is the longest citation :

As a basis of social cognition, facial expressions reflecting emotions underly complex and flexible cognitive processes. Only human primates demonstrate the capacity to perceive others as agents endowed with intention, along with the ability to identify. This capacity to think about others and their desires is probably at the root of the complexity and sophistication of Homo sapiens’social bevaviour. (Theory of the mind). This is the basis of conscious empathy: to understand the feeling of the other, to feel personally what the other feels. The replication of yawning is akin to decoding an emotion, the other’s state of vigilance, but at an unconscious, automatic level allowing for the synchronisation of the state of vigilance between individuals, which one could qualify as an instinctive, involuntary empathy. This capacity to in tune with unconscious affects rests on implicit communications, developed over the course of evolution, but whose neurobiological mechanisms are just starting to be understood (Adolphs 1996, 2001, Meltzoff 2002).

OK guys, after reading this post, are you starting to yawn ?

REAL (?)

As i said on my previous post, that i had written story inspired by my 'favorite' movie. Here is my fictive short story. Enjoy !

Cerita :

Bayu adalah seorang pengangguran yang sangat membutuhkan uang karena sedang dililit banyak hutang. Pada suatu hari, dia melihat ada sebuah lowongan pekerjaan, yaitu casting untuk menjadi pemain film lepas. Tanpa pikir panjang Bayu langsung mengikuti casting tersebut.

Setelah melewati beberapa tahap, Bayu akhirnya lolos untuk menjadi pemain film tersebut. “ah, akhirnya ada gunanya juga aku ikut teater jaman SMA dulu” pikir Bayu.

Shooting hari pertama.

Untuk satu scene saja, sudah lebih dari 20 take, namun acting nya masih saja belum memuaskan di mata sang sutradara. Shooting hari pertama akhirnya terpaksa diakhiri dengan kemarahan sutradara , “UDAH LAH KALO KAYAK GINI ACTING NYA GA MUNGKIN BISA. BESOK LAGI KALO MASIH GAGAL KAMU SAYA PECAT !!! DASAR AKTOR KACANGAN !!!!”

Kata-kata itu masih sangat terngiang di telinga Bayu. Bahkan goncangan bus TransJogja yang dia naiki pun tidak terasa. “aku harus gimana ? aku harus punya uang ! aku harus bisa bermain dengan baik besok atau hidupku pun hancur karena hutang-hutangku !!” pikir Bayu sambal terus membaca naskah film yang ia miliki.

Tak terasa bus pun berhenti. Bayu berjalan pulang ke kontrakannya, sebuah rumah kumuh di gang sempit. Baru saja Bayu duduk melepaskan lelah, pintu rumahnya diketuk dengan keras. Dengan ketakutan Bayu membuka pintu.

“WOY ANJING LO !  BALIKIN DUIT BOS GUAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!”  teriak Martin. Martin adalah ajudan dari Bima, seorang lintah darat, di mana Bayu telah berhutang kepadanya.

“ampun bang, belum ada. Besok bang…..” sahut Bayu dengan penuh ketakutan.

“DARI KEMAREN LO UDAH NGELES GITU TAI !! MANA DUIT NYA ???” Martin berteriak sambil menarik kerah baju Bayu.

Bayu pun terkejut. Tanpa sadar diraihnya sebilah pisau di atas meja. Sebelum Martin melayangkan pukulannya, Bayu sudah menusukkan pisau di perut Martin. Martin hanya menatap Bayu dengan pandangan kemarahan. Bayu pun kemudian melepaskan pisau yang tertancap di perut Martin dan menusukkannya lagi di dada Martin bertubi-tubi.

Tatapan mata Bayu kosong. Ia bersimbah darah. Tubuh Martin sudah tergeletak di hadapan Bayu. “inikah rasanya membunuh ?” ucap Bayu berkali-kali di dalam hati. Dilihatnya mayat Martin yang tergeletak di depan kakinya. Dipandanginya Martin, dari atas hingga ke bawah. Bagi Bayu, pemandangan ini layaknya déjà vu. “Aku pernah mengalami hal ini. Aku pernah melihatnya !” hati Bayu berontak. Jantungnya berdegup sangat kencang. Matanya melihat ke sekeliling secara liar. Kemudian tatapannya berhenti ketika ia melihat naskah film yang selalu dibacanya. “A story of A Murderer”  ya, Bayu merasa telah melakukan pembunuhan persis seperti apa yang ada di naskah film tersebut, di mana pembunuhnya melakukan pembunuhan dengan menusukkan pisau di perut dan dada secara bertubi-tubi. Dan Bayu berperan sebagai sang pembunuh.

Masih dengan tatapan kosong, naskah film itupun diambil Bayu dan kemudian ia menusukkannya secaa brutal – dan kemudian tusukan itu beralih ke tubuh Martin – lagi. Cipratan darah Martin membentuk corak tak beraturan pada naskah film Bayu.

“dengan ini ayunan tangan ku akan sempurna untuk ber acting besok” ucap Bayu dalam hati. Sambil tersenyum tipis ia merapikan dan membuang mayat Martin, baju, dan juga naskah film berdarah tersebut.

Shooting hari kedua.

“YAK, CUT !” senyum sutradara di penghujung shooting hari kedua. “nah, gitu dong mainnya ! kenapa gak dari kemaren kayak gini sih ? kalo kamu mainnya bagus terus, bisa naik nih gaji” kata sutradara sambil menepuk bahu Bayu.

“iya pak, kemaren mungkin belum nge feel” jawab Bayu lirih.

“yaudah sekarang kamu istirahat, besok kita harus shooting lagi lho” kata sutradara itu.

“iya pak .. oya.. em.. pak, boleh saya minta satu naskah lagi ? naskah yang kemarin ketinggalan di bus” pinta Bayu.

“ohh, boleh boleh. Wah, kamu ini pasti baca terus ya, sampe ketinggalan gitu. Hahahaha..” ujar sutradara. “he, Dimas ! kamu ada naskah film kan ? sini, naskah film mu buat Bayu aja, nanti kamu fotokopi lagi, kasian ini si Bayu udah mau pulang”lanjut sutradara kepada Dimas, yaitu seorang cameramen dari film ini.

“oke bos” jawab Dimas. “nih” Dimas memberikan naskah itu kepada Bayu. Bayu pun tersenyum dan pamit untuk pulang.

Dibukanya naskah film itu. Dengan bergetar, ia perlahan membaca adegan apa lagi yang akan ia lakukan. Kali ini adalah seorang perempuan. Bayu pun memejamkan matanya sejenak. “ya, ini demi acting ku agar sempurna. Aku harus melakukannya !” ucap Bayu dalam hati. Bergegas ia membuka pintu rumahnya dan mencari mangsa.

Lama ia berjalan, kemudian ia bertemu dengan seorang PSK yang sedang mangkal di pinggir jalan. Setelah melihat sekeliling, Bayu mendekati wanita itu.

“Brapa mbak ?”

“lo mau brapa jam ?”

“semalem”

“700ribu”

“gabisa diturunin harganya ?”

“lo punya brapa emang ?”

“500ribu”

“yaudah deh, lo bruntung, hari ini gua belum dapat pelanggan”

“oke mbak”

Bayu kemudian membawa PSK itu ke rumah kontrakannya.

“e gilak, ini rumah apa kandang ayam sih, berantakan banget. Bau amis lagi” keluh PSK. Selama PSK itu melihat sekeliling rumah Bayu, tanpa ia sadari Bayu sudah berdiri di belakangnya dengan membawa pisau rumput. Bayu sudah siap untuk menggorok leher wanita itu.

Crot !

Tanpa basa basi leher wanita itu sudah bersimbah darah. Jantung Bayu berdegup kencang –namun tak sekencang pembunuhan pertamanya- ia tampak lebih menikmati pembunuhannya yang kedua ini.

“ini lebih baik dari kemarin” ucap Bayu sambil menyeka keringat yang menetes di pelipisnya.

Pembunuhan demi pembunuhan dilakukan Bayu. Dan perasaan Bayu pun berubah, tidak ada lagi jantung yang bergedup kencang, tidak ada lagi keringat dingin yang membasahinya, bahkan lebih mengerikan, tidak ada lagi perasaan bersalah dalam diri Bayu.

……

Naskah itu sudah memasuki lembar terakhir. Tidak ada algi pembunuhan yang dilakukan. Semua sudah berakhir. Dibukanya lembar naskah itu. Perlahan. Sejenak Bayu tertegun membaca tulisan-tulisan itu. Lama dan terdiam. “ya, memang harus berakhir” ucapnya dalam hati.

Shooting hari terakhir.

Yuda, peran pembunuh bayaran yang diperankan Bima, berdiri tegak di depan pintu. Di hadapannya terdapat Thomas, kekasih Nissa, salah satu wanita yang telah dibunuh dengan sadis oleh Yuda. Thomas menatap Yuda dengan penuh amarah. Terdapat sebilah pisau di genggaman Thomas. Dengan senyum sinis Yuda berkata, “lakukan saja apa yang mau kamu lakukan. Tugasku di sini sudah selesai”.

Tanpa pikir panjang Thomas langsung menusukkan pisau ke

“YAK, CUT!”

Teriak sang sutradara.

“Good job Bayu !! kamu memang potensial untuk menjadi bintang besar !! ayo bangun !!” ucap sang sutradara tersenyum gembira.

Lama ditunggu, Bayu tidak kunjung beranjak dari tempatnya. Tubuhnya masih terkulai di lantai. Darah segar mengalir dari perut Bayu. Tubuh Bayu pun berubah warna menjadi pucat. Semua kru diam memandangi tubuh Bayu.

Salah seorang kru yang bertugas sebagai Team Art Director mengecek properti yang digunakan. Semua terkejut ketika melihat pisau mainan yang seharusnya digunakan berada di tas Bayu. Bayu telah menukar pisau mainan dengan pisau asli. Kru yang lain mengecek nadi di leher Bayu. Tidak teraba. Bayu telah melakukan aksi bunuh diri menggunakan tangan orang lain secara mengenaskan.

Semua masih terdiam.

“CUT ! WRAPPING !” teriak sang sutradara.

“ya. Kali ini benar-benar CUT yang terakhir ! kalian istimewa” ucap asisten sutradara.

Semua kru kemudian bertepuk tangan dan saling memberi selamat.

Naskah milik Bayu terjatuh. Terbuka pada halaman terkahir. Ingat, naskah itu adalah milik kameramen yang diberikan sang sutradara kepada Bayu. Di sana tertulis sebuah pesan :

“ikuti Bayu ke mana pun ia pergi. Rekam setiap pembunuhan yang ia lakukan. Lakukan dengan perlahan. Jangan sampai ia mengetahui keberadaanmu”.

“sebuah trik psikologis yang menawan bukan ?” kata sutradara di penghujung film kepada seluruh kru.

Ya. Semuanya telah direncanakan oleh sutradara itu. Ia sudah memperkirakan bahwa Bayu memiliki jiwa lemah yang mudah diperdaya ketika tertekan. Segala pembunuhan telah diperhitungkan dengan matang oleh sutradara itu. Termasuk aksi bunuh diri yang dilakukan oleh Bayu.

“This is the real story of a murderer”

-tamat-

PS : jadi ceritanya, lagi ngobrol sama Bima di stand OKA. katanya Kine mau bikin film thriller. coba-coba bikin cerita deh ;D

Me and My Dirty Mind

I have a little bit freak hobby *my friend said that*. I like to know about the movie that was banned in some countries, and the genres of movies are thriller, slasher, and gore; something bloody. Hmm ~ Some movies that i'd like to recommend to almost my friend are A Serbian Film, Salo 120 Days of Sodom, Grotesque, etc. Because of that, when i said to my friend, 'hey guys, i have a good movie !' They ignored me or they said, 'is it about violence, sexual abuse, mutilated, or something like that ?'

Oh yeah.. i like to know about violence, killing, sexual abuse, mutilated, and cannibalism movie. JUST TO KNOW. I am too afraid to watch that movie. I had watched A Serbian Film and it was a nightmare *but i didn’t watch it exactly, just skimming and I do something else like reading a book and listening to the music, because I already knew that it was a super sadistic movie*. This movie is about porn actor, Manos. He made a come back after retired from porn film industry. But it went so wrong. There are some kind of videos that he played but the ending always the same, his opponent died brutally. He killed them while having sex unwittingly because the producer gave him drugs so he was high and didn't know what's happening.  

After watched it, I felt like something that connected to my brain's cell is cut off. I felt like i was not me anymore. My heart literally beat so fast after watched that movie. I recovered my self by watch happy movie like Enchanted *it's the best movie i've ever seen so far* oh yeah. By the way, if you google about "the scariest movie in the world, the most sadistic movies, or movies that were banned in the world" it will show A Serbian Film and Salo, 120 Days of Sodom. Guess what kind of movie is that.. well, i had written a short story inspired by A Serbian Film. I will post the story later :D

A few moments after that, I watched my most favorite series movie all the time, American Horror Story (AHS). Now I want to tell about  AHS season 4 : freak show. If you are the fans of this series and haven’t seen season 4 yet, don’t read this post because it will contain spoiler :p

Here is the story :

AHS season 4 is about freak show, a kind circus but the main characters are ‘freaks’ or people that don’t look ‘normal’. These are few characters of the freak show (plus my short research) :

• phocomelia = a rare birth congenital defect characterized by malformation on the limbs (orphan.net)
• microcephaly = as syndromic or as pure, primary, or true (microcephalia vera), depending on the presence or absence of extracranial malformations or dysmorphic facial; head circumferences below 2 SD (standard deviation) by age and gender (American Academy of Neurology)
• Gigantism = gigantism refers to excessive secretion of growth hormones (GH) that occurs during childhood when epiphyseal growth plates allow for excessive linear growth (Rhee et al, 2014). This condition make a person will grow like a giant
• Hyperandrogenism = hyperandrogenism is characterized by excess production of androgens by the ovaries and/or the adrenal glands. The most common clinical manifestation of hyperandrogenism in women is hirsutism, excessive terminal hair growth in androgen-dependent areas of the body (Karnath, 2008)
• dwarfism = this condition is an opponent from gigantism, because of deficiency of growth hormones (psyj.jmu.edu)

The leader and also the owner of freak show is a woman named Elsa Mars. First sight she was a ‘normal’ person but in late episode, known that she was actually disability person. She didn’t have legs….. Why? Well, actually she had, but…. A long time ago before she had the freak show, she was an actress, she was a diva. One day, a producer contacted her to make a film then she accepted it because of high payment. When she went into the room, two big guys caught her and tied her in the bedroom then… her legs… was cut by a chainsaw…  Her leg were cut for industry movie.. so scary isn’t it ? *when I write about this, I have a goosebump and I still remembered the scene.. *   

Huff .. ok.. there is one movie that I want to tell you *again* hang on ~~~~

One day, i was scrolling 9gag, my favorite web, i saw someone posted about gore movies. I was very excited as usual. Yeah.. and A Serbian Film always appears on the list. Many people adding another gore and sadistic movies or short films in the tab comment.. and for someone like me that have high curiosity, i searched one by one movies that i haven't known. One movie that intrusive my thoughts is 3 guys one hammer *I will warn you, don’t search it on google or youtube.. it’s so scary. And it’s REAL VIDEO*

3 guys one hammer or Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs are serial killers from Ukraine. There are three young guys named Viktor, Igor, and Alexandre that killed 21 people from June until July 2007 in Dnipropetrovsk, Ukraine. They killed them with a hammer and recorded it with camera phone. One of the videos leaked to the internet and went viral (Wikipedia.org). The police investigated and they were imprisoned for about 20 years. You can google it and watch the video. But once again I warn you not to do that. I’ve watched the video just for 10 seconds and it contained a lot of violence. A man was struck by a hammer while he was walking on the street. Then he was dragged on the shrub and they hurt him with a screwdriver. Don’t ask what they did, I cannot watch it anymore.. Based on Wikipedia.org *well, this is the completest information*, their motivation was to be rich by selling the videos.

*****

I’ve been thinking for this long time.. First, I think that movies like A Serbian Film or a scene from American Horror Story 4 : Freak Show are fictive. I don’t think that there are real people will make a sadistic film with real victim and they literally died or disabled. But after I knew about 3 guys one hammer.. I change my mind. The three guys killed people to get money by selling the video, so there must be someone or-a-group-of-people whom will buy and enjoy the video. I thought that the film will be high cost then the buyer is rich people.. And thought that the three guys just one example of many people in ‘underground’ film industry. It's like iceberg phenomenon.

Well, I think I should find another hobby...