30 Minutes Challenge

Challenging self : what can you write in 30 minutes ?

Hi folks ! it’s been a long time since I wrote this blog. I do realize that I am not filling my promise to write once a month because of many things that I have to do and today I will start to challenge myself, what can I write in 30 minutes ? 

Let’s talk about dyspepsia

Dyspepsia is an uncomfortable feeling on the upper abdomen. It could be followed by, for example,  nausea, vomitus, and bloated feeling.

Dyspepsia can be caused by many things. Commonly, because of the stomach (gaster) produced too much gasses and acid so it will cause uncomfortable feeling on the upper abdomen (because the anatomy of the gaster/stomach is on the mid-upper-left upper abdomen). Other, it could be because of the organs near the gaster, that has pain transmission on the upper abdomen, such as : heart or the muscle.

Dyspepsia could be one warning symptom to someone with a heart problem, commonly for the elder one. So, if someone who has a history of heart disease, and or they are more than forty years old, it’s important to do electrocardiography (besides other sign and symptom : chest pain)

For young people, dyspepsia commonly because of the stomach/gaster produced too many gasses and acid. There are a few tips to reduce dyspepsia :

1.    Don’t be late to eat

If we are late to eat, the stomach will produce acid, it will irritate the skin of the stomach/mucosa, so it will cause dyspepsia. 

2.    Don’t eat spicy and or sour food

Spicy food has a characteristic to irritate the inner skin, it caused mouth burning, irritate the stomach, and could be irritating anus when you go to the bathroom. Spicy food also produces gasses. And sour food could increasing acid on the stomach

3.    Don’t smoke and drink alcohol

Same with others, smoke and drink can produce acid and gasses on the stomach

4.    Avoid stress  

By stress, the brain will tell sympathetic nerves, so it can cause heartbeat, increasing gasses and acid on the stomach

It sounds hard because all of them don’t do-tips near to us. But for keep being healthy, there will be some sacrifices, isn’t it ?

Okay, I think that’s all. hope we can stay health and be happy !  

Easter

Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it ! I know it’s too late but better late than never, eh ? now I want to tell you about this year Easter. Actually, I want to post this writing before Easter, but I have a presentation so I didn’t want it’s distracted.. luckily, I could pass that presentation ! Thank God :) I will give some information of it on the next writing ;) okay, happy reading ! :D

To approach Easter, the resurrection of Christ, we did some preparations. We intended to do fasting and abstinence. It’s supposed to open our heart to accept Jesus. On this writing, I will share about my Lent : loving myself (kinda selfish, uh ?)

***

I had hard times at emergency department and March was the worst (until now, and I hope I’m not facing a hard time again). Two examples, a cardiologist got angry with me because I didn't get the right time, time-that-it-should-to-be, to give therapy to a patient. Another, a pulmonologist said I didn’t examine patient appropriately. Well, I’ve done my best for the patient, but I realize there are many limitations.. time management, skill, knowledge, I still learn about it. But yeah, at emergency room there is no space for false, even a little. It’s about a human’s life.

I felt a great fear before on duty at the emergency department and felt sad after that. I was so scared if I did something wrong and I regretted what I’ve done. I felt I was not giving my best to the patient, furthermore to my hospital. I had a paranoid; if I saw a bunch of people talking around, I was sure they are talking bad about me. I felt stupid, useless, and guilty, I was being a burden for others.

One thing that I was sure that I was not okay is when I had a fear or a knife. I could imagine myself cut my hand, and I knew that it was wrong. At this point, at my lowest power and confidence, I just feel that I couldn’t face my internship anymore. But I knew that I was not allowed to do that. I was thinking of how to fix myself. 

One day after another hard day, night shift-in the morning, I went to a health center to meet a psychologist. I just couldn’t take my problem alone, I need help from a professional one. I had a session with her, I felt quite relieved after saying my problem. We had a good share, about life, experience, and we talked many recommended books.

And then I remembered about a book, was recommended by my best friend, Filosofi Teras. It was a few weeks ago, I said to her that I had a stressful moment, and she suggested me to read that book.

At that night, I went to the book store and I was lucky because I could find it. It was placed on the best seller book and a shopkeeper helped me.

For a few days, I was immersed with this book. I was amazed with this book. It was my first time reading a philosophy book, but this written clearly so I could read it easily. By reading this book, I got flashback when I read my favorite book, Kicau Kacau by Indra Herlambang and The Not So Amazing Life of Amrazing by Alexander Thian. I really like a book about a reflection of someone’s experience, I could know about their insight that could be applied to my own life. 

So does this book.  This book is about the writer's experience. First, he told that he should get therapy for his mental health issue. He knew for having a better life was not enough just by consuming medicine and had a session with a therapist. He realized that he had to fix himself by improving his sight about life. At that time, he found a book about Stoicism and started to learn more it more. By writing this book, he wanted to share about Stoicism simply and applicable for other life (comparing to his own life that told been changed after he did Stoicism method).  

And yeah, now I want to share some things that hit my mind :

1.    First, it’s okay to not always have positive thinking

Well, I am not a positive thinker, to be honest. One day I said about the worst part that could be happened on my internsip to my best friend. He said that I shouldn’t have a negative thought.. later, things that we were worried about has come, and it was hit me. I really thankful because I had a thought about it before so I was not drowning into excessive grief, I’ve been warned by myself.. by not-always-had-a positive thinking, I could imagine any possibilities that could be happened, then I prepared myself more.

2.    Second, about trichotomy

There are two things in our life, called dichotomy. First is something that we could afford and the second isn’t. For example, if I have to on duty on ED : I could afford the best decision for the patient but I couldn’t afford about how severity is the patient’s condition. Further, this dichotomy is divided become trichotomy. There is a thing that on the middle, between the dichotomy; it’s a personal goal, include (for example) knowledge. In case I had a patient with multiple diseases, my fear, and guilty (if this patient going worsen) will not as big as if I have a personal goal. I’ve had the knowledge to make the best decision, but I couldn’t afford their life. It’s God privilege.   

3.    Third, we live on today

I define this point by something that happens today is just for today. I feel sad because a senior doctor got angry with me, okay, I was sad for today. I have to chin up my cheek to face another day.

After reading this book, I feel my mood was going better. I decided to know myself more than before, appreciate me, and trying to love myself. I tried to spend less time online on my social media (because I will compare to other then I felt sad again) and I read my favorite books. I felt so much better.

***

Well, that’s my story about Lent. I know that maybe it’s a selfish way, but yeah.. I think if I want to accept God on my heart, I have to prepare myself. And this is my preparation. It’s just like a personage want to come to my house and I have to clean it up, making delicious food, and wear my best clothes. I know my preparation won’t be perfect, but at least I am trying to be a better person, by avoiding some negative thoughts on my head : sad, guilty, and fear.

My Lent this year is really different from others. Mostly I did my abstinence with control my eating habit, it’s both to save money and to restrain myself. But this year I didn’t do it. I need to eat because I have hectic days on the emergency room, I didn’t have to control my eating because I’ve already eaten only two times a day, less snack time nor water. I have to keep healthy so I decided to do this kind of preparation.

I realized that loving myself is not that easy, especially on the end of this Lent, too many temptations by feeling angry, happy, annoyed, and arrogant because of the election’s day. So I came back to open up my social media. It’s a big challenge not to “kepo”-then comparing others with myself –again –then insecurities go back –again.. er..  Keep surviving is way harder than initiating, no ?

***

My Easter was amazing. Thank God ! A little bit disappointed because I felt failed to fulfill my lent.. but one thing that I have to remember (yes, and I am repeating on my write : Blessing in Disguise)

I am loved. God sent people that love me. Isn’t it a beautiful message to love myself ? while I’m struggling to love myself, people around me have loved me :) You are amazing, God..

A message from and for myself :

I’m still learning to be a better person. Lent and Easter are the beginning but the struggling will last forever ~ God will lead me.

Thank guys to read my post. Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it. Don’t forget to love yourself !! xoxo

American Horror Story season 8 : Apocalypse; a Review

Hi guys ! Welcome to another review. Today, I will give my little review about American Horror Story (AHS) season 8. I’ve made the previous season’s review here.

I’ve watched this season a few weeks ago and I finished it on 2 days. LOL. Not as fast as season 7, tho.. but still made me had a “forgiving headache” because I saw the screen for some hours without resting. Hahaha.. but I enjoyed it. So, it’s forgiven.

I will make this review just as the previous season, but I will not compare this season into another season (the comparison I wrote on the previous review). There are three components here: character, story, and the horror itself. 

First, character.

OH, DAMN ! How I love Cody Fern as Michael Langdon ! He’s just too way perfect for being Satan’s son.  He is the main character here and he did it gorgeously. He is the star. That’s it. I got obsessed with him after this season because he’s very stunning <3 and many people think the same tho.. hahaha !! it’s not only me..  well, for some photos of Cody, he’s like Benedict Cumberbatch.. I imagine he becomes the next Sherlock Holmes .. :’) (yea, I’ve read an article said that Benedict will stop playing Sherlock).

Another character, let’s say Cordelia (YASSS, she’s here babyy), is just as good as she was meant to be. Not surprisingly, because she is Sarah Paulson, one of the main souls of AHS, besides Evan Peter, Emma Roberts, and so on. One character that made me surprise is, we’re welcoming (again) the queen, Jessica Lange ! she didn’t show up since season 5, and she made her come back at this season, even not as the main character. but still… :’) you’re still gorgeous, lady !

Maybe if you first watch this season, you will get confused because there are many talents that had more than one characters. Let’s say, Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson, they had four and three characters here, as far as I remember. And each character didn’t have connected at all. 

Second, story.

Things that you should do if you want to watch this season, go back to see season three and one first.  If you don’t watch these two seasons previously, maybe you will get confused. But if you had watched it, I bet you will be screaming because of AHS parallel’s universe (or it is just me ?). There are many characters from the previous season, so go watch it first. 

As I said before, the story on season 8 is so related to season one and three. Almost half of this story is about season 3, tho..  but I really love this season. It gave many explanations that still make confused at previous season and I appreciate Ryan Murphy (or whoever they are) that could make a very good connection, especially between season one and three. 

This season is about an Antichrist, a Satan’s son, who wants to destroy the world so that the world can be reborn into his hand. On the other side, the witches (they come from Coven, AHS season three), want to against him to take over the world. I really think that the story stays on the line, there are no additional things that could make the story too complicated. 

One thing that made me a little bit unsatisfying is when I reached the last episode. I thought that it just too fast, just like it imposed to be done. As my friend thought, “He is the son of Satan, why he can die easily just like that ?” yea, we were wondering something more than that. Huehehe..

Third, the horror itself.

It’s different from season seven. Season seven gave us the real horror because it can easily found on our life and it’s related to the politic condition in the world. This season is more fiction, but we can feel the terror just right. It’s not like season two or four that really sadistic, bloody, and inhumanity. Well, we can feel them, but at a sufficient level.

The fact, I was waiting for AHS to make a story about (Church of) Satan. I really like this issue, but maybe this story is focused on Michael Langdon as a Satan’s son, so about the cult or group itself isn’t much. I was talking about it on AHS season 7, I really thought that Cult (the main theme on AHS season 7) will about Church of Satan, but I was definitely wrong.  

Okay, I think that’s all about a little review of American Horror Story season 8. The conclusion is, I really love this season. It’s one of the best seasons I’ve ever watched. 

Moral of the story ? (again, it’s too naïve) well, never thought that witches will against Antichrist. Maybe other films show that witch and Antichrist were on the same side, but this season is different. No, it’s not talking about God or Christ, but humanity. How the witches want to save people all over the world, they didn’t like about doomsday. And I really love the witches that stand for that  <3

Thank you for reading my post ! Have a nice day :D

Cody Fern as a Michael Langdon

Young Michael Langdon (also played by Cody Fern) 

*could you imagine him with a long coat, a hat, and a cigarette pipe as Shelock Holmes did ?  

Persahabatan Kura-kura dan Merpati

Hi guys ! i've written a little story about a turtle and a pigeon's friendship. I've joined some writing contests, and you know, as usual, i failed. Hahhaha.. never mind tho.. This is one of many stories i've joined. Enjoy ! :D

***

Alkisah, terdapat seekor kura-kura yang hidup sendirian di hutan lebat. Ia adalah kura-kura mungil yang suka membaca buku untuk mengisi waktu luangnya. Karena hobinya itu, banyak penghuni hutan yang memberi julukan ‘si kutu buku’ kepada sang kura-kura.

Pada suatu siang, datanglah seekor merpati menghampirinya.

“Hei kawan. Lihatlah hari ini sangat cerah. Mengapa tak kau gunakan waktumu untuk bermain ?” tanya merpati.

“Kawan, aku dari tadi sudah cukup lelah berjalan untuk mencari makanan. Sekarang aku ingin beristirahat dengan membaca buku,” jawabnya.

“Ya, aku sering melihatmu membaca. Apa yang kamu dapatkan dengan buku-bukumu itu ?” tanya merpati.

“Kawan, aku hanyalah hewan mungil yang memiliki keterbatasan, padahal aku sangat ingin melihat dunia luar. Dengan membaca buku, paling tidak aku mengetahui keindahan alam dengan cara yang sangat sederhana, yaitu membayangkannya. Kau pasti bahagia bisa terbang bebas ke manapun ya kawan,” jawab kura-kura.

“Ya kawan. Aku bersyukur dapat terbang ke sana ke mari. Namun pengetahuanku tentang dunia luar mungkin tidak sebanyak dirimu karena aku tidak bisa membaca buku,” kata merpati.

“Mungkin kita bisa saling bertukar informasi tentang itu. Aku akan memberi tahu apa yang ada di buku dan kau akan menceritakan kepadaku tentang apa yang sebenarnya kau lihat di luar sana,” kura-kura memberi ide.

“Wah, ide yang sangat bagus kawan ! Aku sangat menyetujuinya !” jawab merpati kegirangan.

Begitulah awal mula persahabatan sang kura-kura dan merpati. Mereka saling bertukar cerita dari apa yang diketahui masing-masing, kura-kura dari bukunya dan merpati dari pengalaman terbangnya.

Suatu hari, merpati berkata kepada kura-kura bahwa besok sore ia harus pergi ke hutan seberang untuk mencari makanan bersama kawanannnya. Ketika mengetahui akan hal itu, sang kura-kura berkata,

“Ya, kawan. Berhati-hatilah untuk perjalanan besok. Namun kurasa aku perlu memberitahukanmu mengenai beberapa jenis pohon supaya kau lebih waspada dalam memilih makanan karena tidak semua buah atau biji baik untuk dimakan. Aku baru saja menyelesaikan bacaanku tentang tanaman.”

“Baik sekali kawan ! Aku akan mendengarkannya !” merpati kegirangan.

Sore itu mereka berdua berbincang mengenai berbagai jenis tanaman. Merpati mendengarkan dengan penuh semangat.

Keesokan harinya, merpati dan kawanannya siap pergi ke hutan seberang untuk mencari makanan. Setelah terbang beberapa saat, mereka singgah di sebuah pohon untuk beristirahat. Pohon tersebut tidak terlalu tinggi namun sangat menarik perhatian karena  berbuah lebat dan berwarna oranye yang indah. Merekapun tergiur untuk menyantap buah yang ada di pohon tersebut.

Akan tetapi, merpati sahabat kura-kura melihat ada yang aneh dengan buah tersebut. Buah itu memiliki bau yang sangat khas. Ia pun teringat akan perkataan sahabatnya mengenai buah yang berbahaya untuk dimakan. Segera merpati kemudian mengingatkan teman-temannya,

“Hei! Kurasa buah ini tidak baik untuk kita makan. Meski berbuah lebat dan warnanya menarik, namun ia memiliki bau yang sangat tidak enak. Kurasa kita harus berhati-hati dengan buahnya !” seru merpati sahabat kura-kura.

Kawanan tersebut tidak memedulikan perkataan merpati. Mereka tetap saja memakan buah yang ada di pohon tersebut. Tiba-tiba, pimpinan kawanan merpati terkapar dan mulai muntah-muntah setelah memakan buah itu. Merpati sahabat kura-kura pun berkata,

“Mari kita bawa dia kepada sahabatku, kura-kura. Dia pasti bisa memberikan ramuan khusus untuk pimpinan kita !”

Segera mereka membawanya kepada kura-kura. Kura-kura yang saat itu sedang membaca bukunya di pinggir sungai, terkejut dengan kedatangan tamu yang banyak.

“Kura-kura sahabatku, tolonglah pimpinan kawanan kami ! Ia memakan buah yang beracun, seperti yang engkau katakan padaku kemarin. Saat ini dia sedang sakit dan kami tidak tahu apa yang harus dilakukan,” merpati tersebut menjelaskan.

“Baiklah kawan, ambillah tanaman berbunga putih yang ada di ujung  utara hutan, sementara yang lain ambilah kelapa di seberang sungai,” kata kura-kura.

Mereka langsung melakukan apa yang diperintahkan oleh kura-kura. Setelah bahan terkumpul, kura-kura itu kemudian meracik ramuan dan memberikannya kepada sang pimpinan kawanan merpati. Iapun langsung membaik dan kembali sehat.

“Terima kasih banyak kura-kura. Sungguh, ilmumu sangat berguna bagi kami dan bahkan menyelamatkan hidupku. Baiklah mulai sekarang kita harus banyak belajar dari sang kura-kura. Maukah kau mengajari kami untuk membaca dan belajar ?” tanya pimpinan merpati.

“Tentu, dengan senang hati,” kura-kura gembira.

Sejak saat itu, kura-kura rajin mengajari kawanan merpati mengenai banyak hal. Merekapun bersemangat untuk belajar. Lambat laun, hewan-hewan lain pun ikut belajar bersama dan kura-kura menjadi orang yang dihormati di hutan tersebut. 

A Little Reflection

One day I read my devotional book and it’s written, 

“Whenever you feel so tired, take time to relax and do reflection”

And here I am.

January is my special month. Not only because it’s my birthday but also my first rotation on the internship program was ended and I had to face my second rotation.  

My first rotation on primary health care was amazing. I got both a new family and many experiences there. I learned about how to take care patients, how to consult with senior doctors (what should be reported), how to refer the patients to a hospital, and I had a sight about living on the working place.

I realized as a paramedic is full of making a decision for others, especially patient. If someone got a high body temperature, we have to decide if blood checking is reasonable or just give the medicine. It’s the simplest case.

One day I had a patient, she arrived in my room and said that she had allergic to something that her eyes and foot were swollen. It’s my second day on primary health care so I was still on my adaptation mode. When I checked the patient, I felt something wrong with her, but I confused about what should I did. Then one nurse came into my room and he said that I could do some laboratory examination. I checked her blood and her urine. When the result came.. her hemoglobin just 3.9 (normal value is about 12 – 13). Well, as soon as possible I referred her into the hospital to get a blood transfusion. 

Referring patient to the hospital was so tricky. The patient should ‘not too bad to be referred’ and ‘not too good to be referred’. I will give two cases. First was my friend’s patient. She came with unconsciousness. Her face was pale and her blood pressure was too low; she had no reperfusion for her body and it caused death soon. There’s nothing much we could do at primary health care because both laboratory examination and paramedic are limited. We just did some first emergency management and some laboratory examinations. Later, we knew that she had an ectopic pregnancy. We tried to call the hospital but her condition was too bad and it caused hardness to get referred. She stayed for about 3 hours and then finally we could get referred her, but three days later she’s passed away..

The Second case was about a patient with high temperature, low platelet, and hypotension. We tried to call a hospital to refer this patient but none accepted it because her platelet was not that low to get referred. Then, we took care of her at our primary health care but with a heart beat fast; we got scared if her tension dropped and had a reperfusion problem.

Well, that’s just some little cases on primary health care. We had to choose the best decision for patients. And because of that, I always pray to God. I just want to get wisdom to decide. I don’t want to hurt my patients. I just want the best for them. And so I asked Him, give me a case that I can solve. Don’t give me something that I can’t solve.. I believe that He knows my capability so He never gives me more than my strength..

And the tension gets higher after I finished my first rotation at primary health care. I had to face my second rotation at the emergency department’s hospital. With more complex case.. I really think that I will have a hard time. I don’t know what should I do.. I cried every day.. I was too scared to face future..

First day on my emergency department was unbelievable. This was emergency department of a big hospital but at my first time worked there.. the patient just like at the primary health care, such as dyspepsia or flu. The senior doctor also got confused about the patients at that day. And I felt like..

God is amazing.

He really knows that this is my first experience and He doesn’t give me something that I can’t face. Even though, after a few days, I still cry at my bedroom. I tried to adapt on this new place.. with new people. But at the first time, it’s hard (it’s still hard until I wrote this tough..). Sometimes I plan to go to psychologist or psychiatrist to check up my mental health.. because.. I felt I have a mental break down……

Move to my 17th January, my birthday. I am turning 26 years old. And I start the day with another amazing moment. 

On 16th January, I had an idea. I wanted to stay overnight at a hotel. Working at emergency department was so frustrating and I need to refresh myself. Suddenly, I had this idea. Kind of crazy.. hahaha.. I told my mother and asked her to prepare clothes. I paid for the hotel tough.. hahaha..

Stayed overnight at the hotel was so refreshing. I could sleep on the big bed with warm blanket. I brought a delicious cake and in the morning I asked my mother to prepare the cake with candle for me. Hahaha.. I was so happy. I spent a day with my mother and my friends (intermezzo, I remember one of the 'The Try Guy’s video.. they talked about refreshing themselves from Youtube by taking a holiday. And so am I ! I was taking my super short holiday. Money well spent  <3) 

Yeah, all of this was hard. But I believe that He doesn’t give something over my strength (yes.. I have to repeat it.. because… it is) and I have to remember one thing..

I am loved.

I am really grateful to have many people that love me. They support me. Whenever I cry, they give shoulder to me (even virtual). They listen to my story, my sadness, my fear.. and they always say,

You can do it.

This will pass.

You are not alone.

I know that maybe they have their own problem. But they keep supporting me. And that’s what I need.

So.. the conclusion is.. This is my reflection :

He will not give something more than my strength.. and He sent me many people to love me.. :)

Thank God.