Sunday, December 31, 2017

Christmas

'Do you believe in the Christmas miracle ?' 
This question was repeating in my head. I had bad Christmas occasion in the three years past.

2015
In this year, I had many problems. About my study, about my love life, and about my big family. Because of these, I decided not to back to Jogja when Christmas, I choose to stay in Denpasar. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to meet anybody I knew. I was sick and tired pretending to be happy while I was broke. 

24th December I spent my day with Plants vs Zombies Game. At 3.00 PM I went to the church, attended mass alone. After mass, I saw many people take a picture with their family (or maybe not, at least they were not alone). I didn't care about it, I just thought about myself, 'where do I want to spend the night ?' , then after a quick thought, I went to Seminyak, near Kuta. Alone. With my motorcycle I strolled, there were no place to go. And then it's raining when I went back to my dorm. Suddenly, my eyes got red. I was crying. I felt lonely.

25th December my mother sent me picture of my big family that having a Christmas lunch in my house. And again. I was crying for the second time.

'It is a bad idea for having Christmas alone while you can choose not to be alone'

2016
I had another bad luck in December. I had to be on duty while Christmas. I went from my house at 25th December afternoon and went back to my house at 26th December noon. It's kinda sad. I couldn't choose to be with my family. I was sure that my friends wouldn't want to exchange the schedule. My body was in the emergency unit but my mind stayed in my house. Yea, because the last Christmas I was alone, so.. I didn't want to be alone again this Christmas.

'It's okay. This is the beginning of your future job'

2017
23rd December night. It's sad when you were trying so hard but others didn't do the same, even breaking you down. It's sad when you couldn't express your feeling. It's sad when you realize your hesitations became true.   

'Maybe we should take one backward then we can move to more step forwards' Maybe we should have this big problem, so that we can have more lessons.    

Back to the question,
'Do you believe in the Christmas miracle ?' 

And the answer is, 'yes'

It's sad when you are having Christmas alone. It's okay. Then you will more and more appreciate when you can have Christmas with your family, your friends, or something you love.

It's sad when you are on duty while Christmas. It's okay. You can feel Christmas when you do your best on your job. Be a blessing to others.

It's sad when you know that your struggle to other not replied as you want to. It's okay. You can learn how to be genuine, how to know both yourself and others with discussing the problems. It will make your relationship stronger. 

Sometimes miracle didn't form as a beautiful one. Miracle can be a worst one, but what's can make that a miracle is, how we can have reflection of it, how we can take a lesson of it. 
Have a merry Christmas and a happy new year :)

  

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