Happy New Year to you all who celebrates it (I bet we all celebrate it, with or without the celebration). On this write, I’d like to thank my 2019. My 2019 is full of anxiety.
First was my internship program.
My internship program was a tunnel with a light in the end. It’s dark, narrow, and stuffy inside. But later walked on the pathway, it would give bright light. I was super happy to finish my internship. It’s full of tear and joy –but mostly tear-. Remember my write about the Easter ?
BUT
I was very happy because I could get so many lessons there. God was the best planner ever. Comparing with my friends with other hospitals, mine was incredible. We all got stress, but I learned more than I could imagine. About theory, health measures, and how to make a good relationship with co-workers –that sometimes gave me annoyed-, pretending everything was okay while heart-pounding to keep the emotion stable. It’s okay. Chill. Hahaha..
Whenever internship doctors made mistakes, there were definitive doctors who stand on our back. That was different with my other friends. They were all alone, and hospital could easily blame them for the mistakes. In my hospital, we were treated as internship fellows; we were given a chance to decide, but under supervision, so everything we’d done had to tell the senior doctors. That’s made we were walking on the right path.
Becoming a clinical doctor wasn’t on my agenda before. It’s terrifying just thought about the responsibility I had to take. My internship was spinning it off. Yes, becoming a clinical doctor was a big responsibility, so I was the non-clinical doctor. Everything had their proportion and which one was should be the next step after all these long-term-study ? after my internship, I thought, It’s my opinion, that whatever I’d chosen, there was should be a clinical job –as a main job or side job- because our family and relatives will ask about their health, and if I didn’t see the patient, how could I give them right education base on patient feeling and values ? remembering that theory could be different from the reality…… and with my internship, I felt more confident than before, to see the patient, in the short term, a clinical doctor.
Second is about non-internship
It’s in general. I learned about love and life. And above all, there is God. I feel grateful because I’ve got some miracles that gave me thought, “WOW”. After finishing my internship program, I didn’t know where to go. There some offerings, becoming a lecturer in the university and becoming an emergency doctor in some hospitals. Actually, I could accept all of them, besides the hospital, I had to choose one hospital, but I felt confused. Then, I chose to be a part-timer at the university while joining some training.
October, just a few days after my repatriation, was my hectic month. I joined two training in a row, one short course, and becoming lecturer both in the university and private class. In the beginning, I felt okay and made sure that I could handle it. Later on, I got sick. I had a fever for three days. I had to realize that I couldn’t do it all by myself. I needed a hand. Luckily, after long searching, I got my junior to help me teaching in a private class.
At the end of my October, my busy month was over. Then I felt gloomy because I hadn’t a job, I pray to God to show me His way, way that I should be in. On the last day of my private class, one of my senior in hospital called me. She asked me to temporary substitute her in a clinic. It’s a coincidence beautifully. This moment just dropping my jaw, how fast God answers my prayer.
Thank you !
Next 2020.
There are a lot of things could be happened. There are many plans to do, and I hope everything will be done as planned.. about job, about love life. I believe that God will give us the best. For example, I didn’t think that my hospital in my internship is the best for me, later on, I opened my eyes and I could say ‘yes, this is the best’. It takes time to know where or what or why He brings me to go, sometimes it takes a long time, sometimes it takes a short time, but mostly I never understand it.
Just believe (reminder for myself).
Thank you 2019 for your lessons, and be ready for 2020 !
Song in the head, to inspire this write :
Thank you next by Ariana Grande
One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain
Now, I'm so amazing
I've loved and I've lost
But that's not what I see
So, look what I got
Look what you taught me
And for that, I say
Thank you, next (next)
Thank you, next (next)
Thank you, next
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex (year)
Thank you, next (next)
Thank you, next (next)
Thank you, next (next)
