#Day30 = #3MonthsPlus4DaysAfter

The theme is write about what do you feel when you write.

Hi ! finally we reach into the last theme of 30 days writing challenge. Even I can’t make it continuously, some days I had to whether skip or make few writes on the same day, but I am happy to finish this challenge. This is my second challenge I’ve been finished, first on May 2020 I joined another writing challenge, it was a competition, the theme was free, and I decided to write a long story with the title, ‘Kelana’. The story was about a man named Kelana who had an adventure to find a gold lotus in order to save the princess from an evil witch. I didn’t win the challenge, obviously. Hahaha.. however, I was satisfied to finished it as well.

Back to the theme, about what I feel when write, I feel relieve.

By writing, I could release and realize what I feel. I feel confident to share my story through this platform. I am not a social media person, my last photo in instagram was more than a year ago. LOL. I rarely post on my instagram, I don’t feel comfortable to share on that media. Different from instagram, I openly share everything on my blog, even sometimes I felt too open here. Hahaha.. when I wasn’t post anything on my instagram in 2020, I posted more than 40 writes on my blog. I like blog because it’s so old for some people and almost none of my friends using this. It’s like I can fulfill my willingness to update my life online, but there’s no a reader. And I am feeling comfortable with that. Hahahaha.. if someone throws a question to me, ‘hey, you never post anything on your instagram or twitter’ then I will say, ‘I did.. on my blog’. Case closed. Hahahha..

I am giggle when write this because it’s true.     

Reading back on the previous post on this challenge is like a life journey. When I wrote the first day, I hadn’t married yet, I was with my mother.. and then on the day 30, my life is changing. I was worried about everything and I am still worry, but my thought was the same : surrender. There are many things I want to share, why I end up here, how, and so on. Maybe later I will tell my magical (?) or naïve (?) story.

Okay then, thank you for reading this post. Yey I can finish this challenge !

#Day29 = #3MonthsPlus2DaysAfter

The theme is My goals for the future

HEY ! long time not to write.. but I really think I still have an owe to finish this challenge. It’s a long challenge tho, it’s capturing some life-changing moments in me. Takes some times just to accept what was happened and will happen to me both now and in the future.

Short story, at November 2020 I went to a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with adjustment disorder related with depression and anxiety. She wanted to give me medication, BUT she couldn’t because… I’m pregnant. Yes… there are many things happened to my life in blink of eye. Only in 30 days, everything has changed. She suggested me to have some brain therapy; she said there would be some cables on my head, and they will analyze my brain electricity. I said I couldn’t go to the where the therapy should be done because it was far from my home and I couldn’t tell anybody yet about my condition. And then, here I am, still struggling with my own condition; sometimes some bad thought flashed, luckily I am sober enough to kick it away.

Sooo.. here some of my short life changing :

1. marriage on 10^th October 2020

I guess I’ve told about my wedding on my previous story. Yeah, marriage was my first step to leave my comfortable home to go out face the other side of life that I’ve never seen before. I am happy, but it still challenging, how I deal with my husband, make some BIG decisions for our life, sometimes we had an argue, but the willing to forgive and accept and tolerance (and put you name it), made a marriage works, doesn’t it ?

By marriage, I have to face that I have to go out from my town, leaving my mother to be with my husband. It’s not a requirement, but a choice. As I said before, as a newly wed, we had to make big decisions and this is an example.

2. be accepted as a civil servant on 30^th October 2020

I don’t how to express this feeling. First I was happy because I’ve got a job, but the sacrifices were just too much. Is it worth it ? I have to go out from this island –not only town, but also island-, being alone, far away from both my family and husband, furthermore, I don’t know how long this condition will happen. Some says that I can ask for mutation, but the bureaucracy is very complicated and then we have to spare a big amount of money. Oh God……..

3. pregnant, known at 8^th November 2020

Yeah.. first time I knew I was pregnant I couldn’t say any words and so did my husband. We both silenced and stared at each other. Of course we happy, but with my condition.. alone in separate island, far away from everyone we know well.. i want to have some times to adapt and here there is a little angel.

Our journey for these past three months was crazy. I had to go to Tangerang, Bogor, Bali, and Lampung within a month. The next weekend, I had my way back to Yogyakarta then two weeks later I came again to Lampung, and I decided to Jakarta after spent a week in Lampung, a week later I back to Yogyakarta, then next week I went to Lampung again, then Palembang, last I back to Lampung. It’s crazy, isn’t it ?

I had milestones as a pregnant women : Hyperemersis gravidarum, constipation, changing body temperature, with arrhythmia and fatigue. Yeah, a little journey.

Let’s go back to the theme.

For many life changing I’ve experienced, my goals are really turns 180 degrees. Firstly, I want to have a great carrier, as a civil servant on the other Java, I thought I will have a chance to thrive (to be honest that’s my biggest solace living here). And then I pregnant, my goals become different. My only goal for now is my child. I just think about him/her (I don’t know the gender yet). Every time I pray, I pray for my child. For the first time, I think when eating. What should I eat ? what’s the nutrition I didn’t get today, I have to add it tomorrow. I tried to stay sane and healthy for my child (yeah, I almost cry while writing this).  When the first I thought about further education, then I thought about my child education here. I don’t have any high expectation tho, remembering my mental health is important as well.. I think being health physically and mentally are my another goal.

okay, I think that’s for the writing. Thanks for whoever reading this. I want to tell you that I am okay, I still think clearly and do nothing stupid ^^ hahaha..